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The brain is incredibly complex.
It has been years since I studied anatomy and physiology at university level but I do remember enough to know about the intricate relationship between hormones, the dopamine and serotonin levels, the way the body fights to balance the chemical exchanges through pathways in order for the body to obtain homeostasis. Homeostasis is where the body is in balance, or at its most healthy state..at peace if you like.
Because the previously mentioned two individuals are family (spiritual and physical) it is so close to home. I am even more invested but, at the same time, these individuals do not see me or perceive me as a professional, but rather as a sister or simply another human being. I have access to them to help them and definitely feel obligated because they have reached out to me. I have a huge responsibility now. I could refer them to professional associations dealing with depression and drug/alcohol addiction. However, as a Christian, I need to be there for them just as Jesus Christ was there for all those who were in need (1 John 3:16-18). I am not saying that in order to help others with addictions and depression one needs to have gone through similar experiences. What I am trying to impart is, having had depression myself I know how bad it can get and I know exactly what I did that did not help me, and what I did do to help myself. I have the blessing of hindsight and knowledge and the wisdom from God to know what works and what does not work.
Things that do not work:
1 - Keeping your problems to yourself because you think they are too big to share.
2 - Staying in the same circumstances or a situation which does not enable you.
3 - Focusing on your problems rather than the solutions.
4 - Pushing others away including everyone you know.
5 - Going through the motions of day to day life without dealing with psychological matters.
6 - Letting negative influences around you remain there.
7 - Lack of self care, poor sleep cycles, lack of exercise and poor nutrition.
What actually does work:
Speak to another person. Even if it is only one other person. You may have to try more than one person if that friend/relative/associate/colleague is not there for you emotionally. Confiding in someone really helps.
It sounded very trite to me so I thought it was minimalistic and meaningless. I actually did not believe it could help because it was way too simple. The key is it needs to be a person in whom you can trust and confide, and who is sincere. If there is nobody in your life you can trust then you will have to seek out a professional counselor. Sometimes the people that help us the most are those whom we know the least. The person who helped me was new to me but was willing and would not take no for an answer in a very polite and friendly way, which worked for me. It did help that this person was a member of my Church and I truly believe with all my heart that God arranged this individual in my life when I needed help. He lived locally and only stayed for a couple of years and then moved away again.
God’s timing is so perfect it cannot be disputed or counted as a happy coincidence because God knows completely what He is doing, and if He helped me, I know without a doubt He can help you too (Ecclesiastes 8:6).
Think about what you would like to change if you could. For example, for me, it was my place of work. I loved everything about my job except the way I was persecuted by my boss. Didn’t matter how much work I did or how willing I was to pick up extra shifts, even swapping to night duty to help out when staff levels were down. I could have been the most perfect employee, but to my boss I was different, and that was the problem. I kept thinking by pleasing the boss everything would turn out okay. I now know that it could never be okay because I did not fit in with the “in-crowd”. While I was in that situation I was paralyzed by fear and indecision. I had a huge mortgage and did not want to leave my job as I was on a very good wage with very good conditions. I should have applied for annual leave to remove myself, even if only temporarily, to assess whether I was depressed because of the job or because of something else.
The only way one can sort through the dark mess is to get away from it in order to assess what is truly happening. Staying in the same circumstances and dealing with them may be possible, but I was not strong enough to do this as I allowed things to get critical as more than 2 years had passed.
Early intervention is a vital key. Stop thinking about the problems you have. Instead of this negativity which just recycles itself through your head over and over again until you repeatedly reach a “dead end”, do and say something. If you decide to see a professional counsellor, through these sessions you will be enabled to process your thoughts into productive words and actions. For me, I was actively encouraged by several people to resign from my job. Initially I resisted this option (out of fear and inability to make a decision) but eventually came to see that it was the only answer that would help me. With encouragement I obtained other work first and then resigned. I was able to get to the point of doing this confidently and even with some happy emotion. It was because other people empowered me to get to that state first.
If you can empower yourself, that is great. I couldn’t because I had let my state get to the most depressed a human could get to. Once again...the earlier one takes action, the better.
When friends and family want to see you or plan an activity, attend! Even if you would rather stay in bed all day and sleep, force yourself to go. I found that the more I did the things I didn’t want to do, the more I healed myself in the process of leaving depression. I cannot explain it any more clearly than to say that by being with others, the very act of talking and communicating, even if with body language only, it all helps.
We are designed to seek out other humans and communicate through speech. I needed to start small with this because of my mind telling me things that were not true. I would think to myself that others were insincere or didn't care whether I lived or died. Anyone who said things to me which were easy to say such as “Well I feel for you...I hope you feel better soon...hope you have a lovely day” ...and so forth, actually made me feel worse. They were just words. There was no real effort on their part to reach out. This made me feel even more sorry for myself and so I would retreat more and more within myself where I felt “safe”.
The actual reality was, I was harming my emotional state without realizing it. When deeply depressed I functioned on an automatic system. I did what I had to do. I went to work. I came home. I cooked the dinner and I did the household chores. There was little or no emotion. I just simply reacted to doing what needed to be done. There was no pleasure in anything. In hindsight it was, I imagine, like being a robot.
What a terrible way to live. Now that I am completely healthy and well I have full understanding of how sick I was. Do not allow yourself to be in this situation for another minute. God needs us to be healthy and well physically, emotionally, spiritually, and cognitively. You need to find a reason to go on. My reason was my children. I couldn’t leave them. I couldn’t take my life either because to kill yourself is a sin and to me it was also telling God that He had made something useless and meaningless (Exodus 20:13).
Well we know that God made us all unique and we are incredibly beautiful and extremely precious to Him. He designed us and every single part of us is known to Him intimately. We are His children. So we must overcome the dark cloud of depression that envelopes us.
If this is happening to you now you need to take immediate action. Do not waste even a day. Decide for yourself one small thing. Maybe whether you will read one chapter of Proverbs today. You can choose which one. If you cannot make that choice, see what today’s date is and if it is the 9th then read chapter 9.
You can do this. You will need to force yourself to do it and with each step taken, add more steps, one step at a time until you have a daily set routine that gives you reason to get out of bed each day. Remove every negative influence from around you. Talk to your therapist or your friend or whomever is helping you find all those negative influences. I had more than one. My issue was I could not confront others. I had been taught to just accept it, even bullying, and everything will turn out okay. Well it won’t. I mistakenly thought that good will overcome evil at work in this present age of man. No. I had to learn that good will eventually overcome evil but that time is not now. We all know that the prince of the power of the air (Satan) rules this world until Jesus Christ returns (Ephesians 6:12). God actually wants us to address our problems. By ignoring them like I did they build, until finally I experienced “the straw that broke the camel’s back”.
Depression is all about emotions that are not dealt with (Proverbs 12:25). You matter. You are valuable...irreplaceable. You are loved by God whether you want that love or not.
Now go outside for a walk. If you do not enjoy walking around your neighbourhood area, go somewhere else. Somewhere special and private just for yourself. I found the beach. I love the beach. When I walk on the beach all my problems seem miniscule. This is my wilderness. Maybe for you it might be the forest, or the local park. If you are thinking to yourself, I don’t like any of these places, then you have a challenge. You need to try each and every one of these places to really get to know yourself and what works for you. I cannot imagine anyone not liking or finding the sound of water therapeutic. Maybe the sand annoys you but you like the sound of water. Then you will have to try places where there are creeks or rivers.
What I have found is that anything man made like the inside of buildings is particularly untherapeutic. So if I went to a gymnasium and walked on a treadmill I would not ever be motivated to go again. In contrast if someone said to me, let’s go for a walk on the beach, you wouldn’t have to ask me twice. I would be there in an instant. When I get to the beach and hear the sound of the rolling waves, smell the fresh air, see the seagulls, feel the wind on my face, and the sun on my skin, something wonderful happens to me...the release of endorphins. Endorphins are wonderful chemical reactions which help lift our mood or outlook on life.
Through the process of exercise like walking, our bodies actually decrease the stress hormones such as cortisol and increase the body’s natural painkiller hormones which are known as endorphins. One can even experience euphoria through vigorous exercise. That is probably why so many become addicted to “pumping iron” or weight lifting.
God has indeed made our bodies to function in premium ways but we must be alert to do our part. Mental illness blocks our ability to function normally. So one must first recognize that there is a problem, swallow any pride, get help, and somehow resist and overcome the desire to do the opposite of what truly will enable and help us to heal.