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Have you ever found yourself in a position to help another only to be refused?
Perhaps you are like me? Ever since I can remember, helping others in various ways has been such a delight, and gives one great feelings of joy and satisfaction. That is one reason why I chose nursing as a career. It is a noble profession dedicated to all those under one’s care and from all walks of life. In our private lives we may assist others with physical help in the home or in the garden, fixing broken items, cooking homemade goodies, baby sitting, or perhaps listening to problems, and any number of other ways that talents or abilities may fill the needs. One way I enjoyed using my artistic side was in trying to find the most suitable presents for family and friends, then wrapping the gift in colourful cellophane or paper with fancy bows or ribbons, so that the present looked the most attractive to stimulate the senses. Writing thoughtfully in accompanying cards according to the special occasion was also quite important to me to match the sentiment with the gift, just knowing the person would be absolutely thrilled with it. I really loved surprising my loved ones, imagining the expression on their faces.
Conversely I have always found it hard to receive. Giving came naturally. Receiving was difficult. I remember when I was first called out of the world an anonymous church donor gave me $150 cash via our Pastor to buy some nursing shoes which were quite expensive. As a single parent I was struggling financially due to illness over many months and huge debt in order to live day to day. It was such a humbling experience coupled with shock, that someone who had never met me, was willing to give so much. Another time on the occasion of attending the Feast of Tabernacles for the first time, a gift of $300 came in a lovely card via the postal service to spend on anything my heart desired for the Feast. This time I did know the people involved but not very well. Again I was very surprised and most appreciative. Several years later on The Last Great Day another person slipped an envelope into my bag when I was fellowshipping. It contained a generous sum of money, and it was exactly what I needed to live on until I went back to work and was eventually paid. I truly marvelled at that because I really did not know how I was going to survive until payday. God is so specific at times it truly does take my breath away.
Over the last decade I have come to realise it is a blessing for others when they give to you. Remember the scripture that it is more blessed to give than to receive? This is found in Acts 20:35. On one occasion I did not want to accept the very generous gift and politely declined only to hear the words “Are you going to stop my blessing by refusing?” Immediately I knew this was said in sincere agape love. Those words stopped me in my tracks and made me really think. After due consideration, I had to agree that they were right. No I did not want to stop their blessing! When others have refused my gifts I use this exact line on them and have done so with mixed success. Some of us are just plain stubborn and have some very deep, ingrained habits. However we just patiently hope and trust in God to soften our hearts where needed.
Helping the Homeless and the Poor
Several years ago a dear friend recommended a movie to watch called “The Blind Side”. Eventually it came on TV and I watched it with my daughter. We both enjoyed the movie and have since purchased the DVD. It is one of those rare movies I can watch again, from time to time, without getting bored. It has been quite a while since I have viewed this film, and as my husband had not seen the movie before, we watched it together the other evening. The movie is about a homeless black male teenager named Michael, who is also known as “Big Mike”, living in southern USA. He is taken in by a wealthy family with 2 children when seen walking the streets in freezing conditions. He is adopted and eventually becomes a famous football player. If you have not watched the movie I won’t spoil it and say too much except that it has a happy ending which is one reason why I like it, plus it gives me a lot to think about in helping others.
And it came to pass recently that I have come to know of a homeless man living in our council area. His name also happens to be Michael. This Michael is a little older, perhaps in his 30s. I thought he would respond well to another male so my husband tried to talk to him but he immediately walked away. We see him quite regularly around our local library and the shopping centre as there is plenty of shelter, places to eat, public toilets, parks, and seats to rest on. He is a patron of the library and we have seen him inside while we were hiring some books. Michael goes everywhere pushing his shopping trolley stuffed full of bags with all his worldly possessions.
While the weather was warmer it did not worry me so much but now that winter has set in he has been on my mind a lot. I cannot imagine just one night outside in the cold, windy, or rainy conditions. We do not get snow here but it can drop down to 3 or 4 degrees Celsius overnight. I wondered where he may shower. I cannot see anywhere for him to have a nice, hot shower. This has been bothering me so much I had to summon the courage in order to be brave enough to talk to him, and so I did. After prayer and consulting our Father I bought two hot chickens. One for our family and one for Michael. I did not know if he would be on the bench at the library but I sensed he would be, because God knew of my determination and concern. Michael was there! I saw him rugged up with a coat sitting on the bench. His hair was longer and more scraggly than before. He looked cold.
As I walked up to the library I “chickened out” and returned the library books first telling myself I would give him the chicken on the way back to the car. Michael never looks at people. His demeanour is quiet, always looking down at the ground like no one is around. I thought to myself “Here goes!” “I hope he doesn’t get up and walk away like he did with Jim”. I tried to smile a little bit as I held up the bag containing the freshly purchased chicken and said a few words to the effect of “Hi, I bought this for you. It is a hot chicken”. We spoke for a few minutes. He was clear headed, polite, quietly spoken, educated, and friendly. He declined the chicken saying he just couldn’t accept it even though he knew I had bought two chickens. He told me to put it away for myself and family. I asked him if he was homeless and he replied that he was and that his circumstances had changed. That was all. I did not pry but wanted to know more. I told him we had seen him several times and wanted to help. I also recounted very briefly that my husband had only been a couple of days away from being homeless in America not that long ago. I remember his words of reply…”Is that right” with a tone of voice indicating sincere concern. After this I walked away feeling devastated that he would not accept such a small token as a hot chicken. I felt like a failure. I tried to stifle the tears back and found it difficult to talk for a while after this.
Since our meeting I have not spoken to Michael but have prayed for him consistently. During prayer I felt inspired to go and write Michael a brief letter which I did in a card. I considered which card to use out of the collection I have. The one which I felt directed to contains a biblical quote from Jeremiah. I wondered if I should just go “neutral” but all the cards I have are biblically based. I hope he does not throw it away or feel angry thinking God does not care. I also put three bookmarks inside the envelope. One about God granting him the serenity to accept the things he cannot change. Another about God opening doors when others have closed, and the third bookmark, a direct quote from Matthew 11:28 which says “Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest”. All I can do is trust God to reach Michael’s heart and let him know people do care. I was disappointed that Michael was not to be found today. We drove around trying to look for him. I spoke to staff in the library who told me a little more about him. They have offered him leftover food from the Café at various times but he has always refused. We also spoke about employment for Michael and was informed that they had tried to link him up with various agencies but nothing ever came about from their efforts.
So what is there to do?
The fact remains that we will always have the poor dwelling among us as God tells us in Deuteronomy 15:11 and in Mark 14:7. We cannot help everyone but we can reach out to those who do accept our offers of help. Whether it is by means of a blanket, clothing, food and drink, even something to read or listen to. I don’t know why Michael will not accept help. Perhaps it is pride. Perhaps it is fear of losing the limited semblance of control he has at the moment. It could be that he has been so hurt or damaged from a life event that he wants to be fully self sufficient owing nothing to anyone. Perhaps it is something entirely different. I may never know in this lifetime. But there will be a time in the future when poverty will cease and all will have a home to dwell in safely.
We need to be wise. Giving money is not the answer. If we really think about it money is very easy to give for many of us. Where is the effort involved? We can drop it, hand it over, or place it in their belongings. Will it be spent on necessities such as food? Or could it be used for less than ideal things? To really care we can offer much more than money. Our time and effort. We could offer to wash his clothes, give him a haircut, take him to have a shower, buy some warm clothing, or any number of practical things which will improve his quality of life. The thing is we can only help if those who need the help, accept the help. This is quite frustrating for me to accept.
It is so difficult for me to walk away from Michael without physically helping him. I have tried and have been rejected according to his free will. Should I keep trying? I will keep trying to deliver the letter to him as my contact details are contained within in case of emergency. Physical help could save his life one day. But the greatest of all gifts is the spiritual — daily prayers for Michael to change his life. Will you join me in these prayers? God hears our prayers. James 5:16 states “The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much”. This is a labour of love. Our time is precious and this is where we can make a difference in this world. While we may desire comfort for all now, we must wait for the Kingdom, while doing what we can for those who will welcome our efforts.