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You might think that this would come automatically, for children to honour their parents by respecting them throughout the whole of their existence. Our parents were able to give us life through their union because God blessed them in fruitful multiplication. We show them respect and obedience when young, then add multitudinal layers as we grow and mature to include parents as our confidantes, counsellors, and companions during these formative years when deciding on a study path leading to a career, advice on marriage partner, and wisdom sought from all manner of valuable life experiences, until finally transitioning into support when giving back to our elders as they eventually enter their twilight years.
The fifth commandment in Exodus 20:12, and repeated in Deuteronomy 5:16 says “Honour your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you”. This does not necessarily equate to long life now in the human realm but speaks about a future time when we inherit the Kingdom of God. Long days will then be infinitely endless as we will live on eternally as part of the God family. This promise in the Old Testament is then repeated in the New Testament within scripture from Ephesians 6:1-3. Of course, this does not mean that children will always agree with their parents on all matters as we develop our own personalities, have different tastes and preferences, make choices with our free will as adults, and go on to live our lives separately after marriage or leaving home.
The thing to always remember is that we should honour our parents by including them in our life, listen to their perspective without interruption, be polite and courteous in our verbal communication while also being mindful of our body language, while showing that we love them no matter how we may differ on any given topic. It is important to respect our parents despite their age or station in life. Did you know that when we respect our parents, by extension we respect God? God could have given us anyone as our father and mother but He specifically chose your Mum and Dad for a reason...to teach and nurture you in preparation for the rest of your life as an adult. Their DNA is part of you and is subsequently passed on to your children.
Why does God place great importance on honouring our Father and Mother by placing this instruction in the 10 commandments? Because not only is it the right thing to do, but it helps us — God’s way works! To have beneficial relationships where we reside with others in harmony, the result then is peace. A peaceful, constructive life where we love others is the opposite of fighting, difficulty, and chaos — this is Satan’s world where hate abides. God is all about love as God is love (1 John 4:8) and He desires us to demonstrate this love towards others and learn from the example of Jesus Christ in the Bible. Jesus lived with His mother Mary and stepfather Joseph. He honoured His parents always, including up to the point of His death when He spoke words of concern to the apostle John about who would care and provide for Mary after He was gone. No matter how much Christ suffered, He had the welfare of others such as his family and friends foremost in His mind. We can read of this account in John 19:26.
Our parents may have made great sacrifices for us so that we could have a good education, be provided with everything we have including experiences such as travel, hobbies, pets, opportunities and any number of things we may have wanted at any given time. Our duty is to be grateful and express our thanks, and to appreciate their willing sacrifice. Honouring our parents with a hug, a smile, words of love spoken directly with eye to eye contact, or written in a card (hand made while little children) would delight them especially; invariably these would be lovingly stored away to be sentimentally referred to sometimes with tears in their eyes. Being mindful of house rules, speaking kindly to parents, spending time with them on a regular basis, being honest in all our communications, considering their feelings and helping them when they need help are just a few ways we can honour our parents. Make their life a joy because you honour them!
Conversely if we cause pain and suffering to our father or mother through dishonour and disobedience, we can go to them sincerely after we realise what we have done and seek propitiation or appeasement and ask for forgiveness because we are sorry. Life can bring many challenges and much stress at times so we need to be wise in how quickly we react to any given situation. If we use biblical principles by being quick to hear and slow to speak by exhibiting self control, we may very well save our tongues from leaping into the fire and hurting our beloved parents (James 3:6). Rather than being dogmatic by pontificating our own opinions in a pompous way, we should take a step back and realise our parents have lived a whole lot longer than we have, therefore this gives them credibility in what they have to say. Youngsters have much to learn and need to settle down a bit rather than be in such a hurry to make their own mistakes. I can only imagine why God tells us to be still in Psalm 46:10 — for our own good.
The book of Proverbs provides plenty of knowledge and instruction that we can glean from towards enriching our relationships with our elders whether they be parents, step parents, in-laws, grandparents, or great grandparents. Proverbs 20:20 says “Whoever curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in deep darkness”. Exodus 21:17, Matthew 15:4, Leviticus 20:9, Proverbs 15:20, and Proverbs 23:22 also reinforce this message. Colossians 3:20 informs us that when we obey our parents God is well pleased. See, we can not only please God but even cause Him to be well pleased! How amazing is that! Proverbs 1:8-9 was also written in support of honouring our parents and shows that we will be blessed by God.
For a number of years now Proverbs 30:17 fascinated me with much meditation on its meaning and so it reads thus “The eye that mocks his father, and scorns obedience to his mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out, and the young eagles will eat it”. What a gruesome death! God is deadly serious about honouring our parents. Have you ever “rolled your eyes” at your parents surreptitiously while friends were present, thereby scorning obedience? I think I may have. Both my parents have long gone to the grave (1974 and 2002). If you still have your parents alive you are very blessed indeed. Go to them and tell them you love them, cherish them until they rest in peace. I can no longer ask for forgiveness from my parents, but perhaps you still can? What joy that will bring to them, to you, and certainly to God!