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When will we ever learn? How many times do we need to repent of our carnal human nature with wanting our own will? We are improving with practice, but from time to time mistakes are invariably made, especially if we are not paying close attention. Catching these mistakes and learning from them is where we need to be.
Well it hit me quite acutely as I went to God in prayer on this Sabbath morning. It only took the next day (how mortifying) to realise I needed to repent from my selfish will. How could I have missed this lesson from the evening prior? My prayer the evening before to our Father was for Him to guide my dreams in relation to a request for His will in my weekly writing of articles. When this did not occur I was puzzled so I continued on in prayer for a few minutes but God’s answer was immediate and as clear as a bell. In these prayerful moments I experience opposing thoughts. On the one hand I want to hide my face from God as I cannot bear disappointing Him, much like Adam and Eve I expect, all those years ago in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:8). On the other hand I want to cry tears of joy for the mercy, patience and forgiveness He has just shown and given to me as I realise the enormity of my folly. Thankfully the latter overrides the former and so as the formal prayer session comes to its conclusion I am once again able to stand in awe and wonder for our great Creator who sees all and knows all (Psalm 139).
The scenario from the evening prior for which I needed to repent involved a young lady on the side of the road with a flat tyre. She already had the car in position to change that tyre and as we drove past we realised just what exactly was happening. Looking in the rear view mirror I announced to my husband that the car behind us stopped to help the lady, and as I exclaimed “Isn’t that nice!” I felt a wave of relief as I wanted to get home in time to watch the evening news. That got me off the hook, I said to myself all relieved, knowing I could make the deadline. Meanwhile my dear husband had wanted to stop to help but had not expressed this as yet until after my statement that there was a helper to her rescue. It all happened so fast and I was unprepared.
My will didn’t involve stopping anywhere else on the way home as I was tired and still had more housework to do after watching the evening news before the Sabbath began. However I would have circled back again if we were the only ones able and willing to help. There seems to be a bit of a theme going on with me when the factor of time comes into play. Helping out with financial means and supplies is easy but when my time is challenged, well that is entirely another matter not to be trifled with. Not very Christian like is it?! All I had to do was run ahead of time by half an hour or watch the later edition of the evening news — not too much to ask at all. Why am I so set in my ways and like everything to go like clockwork? Comfort zone stuff and control, I suppose.
The last thing I desire is to say one thing and do another — this is called hypocritical behaviour. When I hear or see the word “hypocrite” my first thoughts are of the Pharisees in Matthew 23:3. Hypocrite is synonymous to me with the Pharisaical mindset. Matthew 5:20 states “For I tell you that unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven”. This warning is directed at us in order to outline clearly their self righteous attitude which displayed in all manner of hypocritical ways. Rather than being a hindrance to people we should be facilitators or helpers where we can. We need to keep on doing good even when we are tired or short of time for God tells us to not become weary in doing good in Galatians 6:9.
Imagine if that young lady was my daughter, or a dear friend, or my friend’s granddaughter? I would definitely want the next passerby to pull over and help. This is just too close for comfort and a big lesson to learn from. As soon as any selfish thoughts surfaced I should have immediately squashed and replaced them with something that is counter-intuitive and productive. Having a “can do” attitude is the way of give rather than the way of get. Doesn’t the Bible tell us in James 4:17 that those who know to do good, need to do good, otherwise it is sinful? Doesn’t Philippians 2:3 tell us to esteem others more important than ourselves? And so I repented and heartily resolved to give of my time in the future to those in need.