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WARNING: Aussie slang and use of colloquialisms abound with non-politically correct jargon.
Five years for the entire process from beginning to end was what it took for one American man to become an Australian citizen. It did cost a few dollars as we Aussies like to say in our lingo downplaying certain things, much like the knife scene in the movie Crocodile Dundee with actor Paul Hogan (cringe). The day finally arrived after the "mountain" of paperwork and hula hoops were completed satisfactorily and jumped through respectively. Dogged persistence paid off in addition to the necessary in-depth medical assessments performed every couple of years which were rather expensive and also non-refundable to ascertain whether there would be a potential drain on the health care system over here. Thankfully not. Eventually green lights given and all systems go!
This year Australia Day happened to fall on a Wednesday -- no-problemo, we flexible oldies with time on our hands attended without worrying the boss for time off work even on a public holiday. We put our glad rags on and eagerly attended the swanky (posh) venue replete with glittering chandelier which has hosted many a wedding and fancy shindig. The only thing is, this year they decided to have the ceremony outside and it was a hot one under the blazing sun, muggy, sweating profusely but thankfully from 0830-1030 morning hours did not leave us sunburnt as we gained a huge top up of Vitamin D. We had our vaxx exemption laminated cards at the ready just in case they decided only the double jabbed could attend. Not to worry buddy we were admitted and all went swimmingly. Nobody even hinted at asking about whether I needed a mask or not.
The dainty cucumber sandwiches were such a delight as we extended our pinkies out politely not, for you see this was something I thought would happen as part of "light refreshments" but instead a cold bottle of water lay on the ground at each chair. A good old fashioned barbie with a frosty stubby and/or lemonade (to make a shandy) would have gone down such a treat in this summer heat but it must have been a total fire ban so no tasty steaks, snags -- aka saussies (sausages) or lamb chops today matey. Sadly they did not serve Vegemite sandwiches which would have been interesting to see the facial contortions from unsuspecting foreigners as a final rite of passage in order to claim their certificates. "You no like, you go home again" I heard myself thinking inside my head. Hopefully I did not say that out loud. No, but now it is written -- all in jest of course as you see, Aussies have a fun sense of humour and we are not easily offended. Americans will have a culture shock over that one but we are very patient and willing to help you get over yourself -- Jim is quite good at it by now and am pleased to report he has excelled in this area with flying colours as an attentive student so he gets full marks. Being able to have a laugh at yourself should be a prerequisite to fitting in over here. Gold star stuff -- you beauty! Bloke talk = you bewdy!
In 5 years there have been lots of interesting things to do in this wide brown land down under known as Australia (properly pronounced as "Os-trail-ee-ya" or to most of us natives "Os tray ya" and to others with little or no clue as "Os-tral-lia" with emphasis on the third syllable). Never mind, we know what you mean. During this time Jim has developed quite an Aussie accent with "G'day mate = Good day mate" and "See you later" expressed as "see yah latah", "good on yah", "brekky" (breakfast), "cuppa" for a cup of tea/coffee, among so many others too numerous to mention here. By now you must be getting the idea that we under-express the letter r and replace it with an ā or ahhh sound. Not sure why but we are accustomed to this just like the Yanks must be without a t sound in mountain and also shying away from d and s sounds in other words. Very noticeable to us.
Jim has encountered a handful of drop bears out in the wild -- you know the ones with the grey fluff, distinctive ears, usually holding onto a gum tree (Eucalyptus for you Yanks) while munching on some gum leaves -- yes, koalas. Australia's version of a teddy bear but they have razor sharp claws so beware and don't let their cuteness fool you. He held a koala soon after arrival and lived to tell of the experience as well as sighting them on the road, up high in trees, here and there even though they camouflage extremely well. He has seen, touched and/or had some fun with kangaroos, emus, magpies, mozzies, flies, arachnids of gigantuan proportions (killed every time much to my admiration and delight) but sadly yet to spot the elusive platypus in the wild despite giving it a "red hot go" (tried hard) at the FOT at Warrawong Sanctuary up in the hills of Adelaidea.
Over his time here in Oz we have travelled to Darwin in the Northern Territory known as "the top end", having 4 weeks in the dry season there (June/July) to experience temperatures that never dipped below 30 degrees Celsius. He saw plenty of Aborigines, even one playing a didgeridoo (affectionately referred to as Abbos in the past and some still do who are not bound by politically correct anything). A week at Kangaroo Island off the coast of S.A. by ferry with our car on board for driving all over that small island with many rocky unsealed roads to see all the lighthouses and raw beauty of everything K.I. was bonza (great stuff). Queensland up as far as Noosa, back down the Sunshine Coast, Toowoomba, down the Gold Coast, right through New South Wales where the Blue Mountains stand, then on into Canberra the nation's capital where the pollies (politicians) wield their power, Victoria's central parts as well as The Great Ocean Road until we arrived back again into South Australia where we reside in "good old Adelaide" except we are a very young place by comparison, and the best place to be in our humble opinion. Needless to say but I will, plenty of day trips to the abundant wine regions of South Australia in the Barossa Valley, Clare, and down south into McLaren Vale where Pirramimma is a favourite.
Tasmania aka Tazzie full of Taswegians, you know, the small postage stamp size island at the bottom of Oz on your map and W.A. (Western Australia) are two places still yet to be enjoyed and experienced by Jimbeaux. Will he get there? Only God knows. Have you ever heard the song "I've been everywhere man" the original Aussie version sung by Australian Lucky Starr and first recorded in 1962 (no, contrary to popular belief in the USA, Canadian Hank Snow did not record it first hehe)? If not, then here is a rare treat if you click on the link provided below: https://youtu.be/RdxOy-TxWwE Australia's adopted son Jim is fast becoming the "I've been everywhere man" over here as he is widely travelled, moreso than most for those so new to this beautiful country God made. Another link shows the lyrics so you can have a go at singing along https://youtu.be/RdxOy-TxWwE Lots of fun for the kids and those young at heart.
After the citizenship ceremony we chose an activity indoors in order to escape the main heat of the day. Therefore, we decided to celebrate in style after Jim received his official welcome and citizen certificate on Australia Day, by going to the movies to see "Spencer" about Princess Diana as that one seemed the best option out of all the junk on offer that we could all agree on. It was a little disappointing but am learning not to have high expectations of anything the world offers. The Lucy flick is the next one we may go to see -- remember "I Love Lucy" (Lucille Ball)? Did you know they even made a movie about Tammy Faye Bakker? My daughter thought that one looked interesting from the shorts. As Jim was permitted two guests for the ceremony, naturally I tagged along as well as our daughter Paris, soon to be 21 years of age in May. We made a day of it as January 26 is a national holiday with most businesses closed historically yet nowadays many open even if for shorter hours.
Lastly we went to a restaurant down in Pt. Adelaide by the name of "Low & Slow American BBQ" for dinner -- have been wanting to go there for quite awhile but the timing has not been right until now. So, we eventually got something BBQ that day and the American now an Australian enjoyed both types of fare on the same day which pleased us well. The food was absolutely "top shelf" or "top notch" (best quality) and staff were very friendly for which we were appreciative. A nice walk along the beach and jetty would have capped the day off nicely before sunset when temperatures eventually lowered but we were tired and eager to get home as the heat had been taxing. Dry heat is what we are used to down here but when the moist heat surpasses the dry it is like a double whammy, is the exception rather than the rule, and very hard to cope with. Memories surfaced of how our Deacon described the heat here when he first arrived in Adelaide around 2007 as "going outside is like walking into an oven" which I thought was very apt.
A day well spent and thoroughly enjoyed was Australia Day 2022 for which we give most grateful thanks to our incredible Father who bestows blessings as He wills. Thank you seems rather inadequate and insufficient so we keep on working at obedience and a humble mindset with a heart created new for God's will over our own will in everything. God has given Jim Australian citizenship for now, most likely to live out the remainder of his physical life, yet we know that we are pilgrims on this Earth temporarily sojourning while awaiting our permanent citizenship living as part of the God family with God eternally in His Kingdom when it comes to this earth (Philippians 3:20, Ephesians 2:19-22).