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Some time ago a very close friend confided in me about some of the negative issues she was experiencing in her marriage. At that time I was unmarried and gave the best advice possible coming from my imperfect yet caring heart. The issues continued and it frustrated me that they could not sort out their differences in a timely manner because, after all, the advice contained Godly principles about putting your spouse first over needs, wants and desires of self. Be the better person by example I remember saying even though the husband should lead as the head of the household, yet we each have responsibility and accountability for our own actions. Today upon reflection, it is clear to see that this well intentioned advice was inadequate, simplistic at best, and lacked experience from a Godly marriage where both man and woman have God's Holy Spirit and allow His power to lead.
Who am I to give advice anyway coming from not one but two failed worldly marriages? In the world the romantic messages about love and marriage confused me and somehow after my first marriage of about twenty years the subsequent one ended rather quickly and abruptly and now it is evident why. A four letter word called lust. Lust is not love but this is how the vast majority of people become confused, deceived, and in a world of pain under the sway of our sight unseen enemy, the devil. Lust is part of our carnal human nature and does not bring lasting joy and peace (1 John 2:16) and is not of God. Satan hates marriage and hates the thought of God's children procreating, having a happy marriage in unity as God originally planned, therefore he convinces mankind that lust is love. He prefers anything goes as long as it is not in the traditional family unit of man and wife. This became news to me once God called me, but back then I was deceived into thinking it was all according to what I wanted — therefore, sadly, big mistakes were made with lifelong ramifications and consequences. Learning continues and mistakes will still be made because we are human and not yet made perfect, for it takes time to develop God's righteous character. It is important to remember to be teachable in order to learn our lessons now knowing we can take all our cares and concerns before our Father with a humble heart in prayer seeking direction according to His Word.
Marriage is hard as we need to take a back seat as it were, always thinking of the other, even when tired, thirsty, hungry, cranky, ill, challenged by time constraints, or stressed. Despite these conditions there are some marriages in this world that indeed do last the distance and this is truly remarkable in my eyes. My paternal grandparents were always loving and respectful with each other and they did not even have God's Holy Spirit, also known as the Helper, to draw from. They did well like those from that era when men opened doors, walked next to their sweetheart on the traffic side of the road, picked up objects that accidentally (or not) dropped on the floor/ground, and were gentlemen of their word with the highest integrity. This is how my memories shine about my Grandfather Fred. As a young child if ever there was the slightest hint of something awkward or potentially disagreeable around the dining table, Granddad Fred and Granny Zena would be playful and use polite humour in good taste deferring to one another. Such sweet memories to hold onto now and so important as children are keenly astute observers. Parents and Grandparents are usually the major role models children desire to emulate especially when young and when they perceive a good example.
Times have changed to unimaginable and crazy depths. The Godly ordained marriage has been interfered with, twisted and warped into anything but what God decreed at the evil delight of the Adversary. Those married who know God must make every effort to ensure their marriage is healthy for this pleases God. It should be a daily work in progress with thorough examination on an ongoing basis. With this in mind November is our anniversary month and the day we pledged our lifelong dedication to each other will shortly be here for the seventh time. There have been stages to go through with plenty of learning in order to get to where we are now. Along the way there have been necessary readings of 1 Corinthians 13 known as the love chapter to consult and remind me while correcting course. Ephesians 5:22-33 specifically detailing that husbands need to love their wives, while wives see to it that we respect our husbands. God always knows best! Some insights of personal development on my part were required especially after needing to retire and spend pretty much 24/7 together after going to work for most of the day. That was a hurdle for me with the next hurdle in quick succession being ill health after a lifetime of being a powerhouse in mind over matter.
Recently, self-examination had me listening to a sermon about Job. There was not even a hint or any expectation that Job could provide instruction on marriage but it did much to my surprise. It was so far from my mind, but yet again God gives us exactly what we need to hear when we struggle on certain issues that can become trials. This link is provided here in the hope that even perhaps just one person can be helped as the wisdom therein is incredibly valuable:
https://www.ucg.org/sermons/job-from-pride-to-humility Almost back-to-back along came the next sermon which covered everything comprehensively on marriage to the point of knowing more fully that God truly cares about every single marriage and desires us to be successful in order to be complete and ready for our marriage to His Son, Jesus Christ, our Saviour. The link below is that sermon titled "A Better Marriage Through Love And Respect" given by Troy Phelps.
https://youtu.be/RPY8VBm8YDk?si=db_Btt0hn6rHydsq Be prepared to listen to fine personal examples that actually work while so generously and thoughtfully shared for our benefit. One more thing…the close friend mentioned in the opening paragraph is still married and these two people are one of the most loving couples to have ever honoured us with their Agapé love. One last thing…this husband God "found" for me (while not looking) and presented to me is exactly what I needed despite thinking otherwise. Remember, it is easy to love Christ but not so easy to love your partner in marriage with human faults and weaknesses, even bad habits thrown in for good measure, for who among us is without any of these?