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In our eagerness to comfort others in times of need, things can quickly go pear shaped (downhill for you Yanks), especially if they are not ready for the truth. Sometimes we may suffer from “foot in mouth” disease when things don’t work out like we hoped they would. Recently I found myself wondering just what would Jesus say and how would He respond in the situation I had experienced.
In my line of work as a registered nurse I came across two people who decided to share with me their story of the loss, through death, of their beloved spouse. Both residents of the facility I visited were strangers to me. The elderly man who was new to assisted living missed his wife dearly. It was all fresh and raw to him since her demise only 3 weeks ago. He was struggling and just wanted to be at home with his precious memories. We spoke over several minutes about life after death due to God’s plan for us through our resurrection (1 Corinthians 15:51). He believed he would see his wife again and was comforted to some extent. Waiting for the future day and time when he would be reunited with his wife was going to be difficult, but he had hope. He was very interested in our talk and smiled broadly over the fact of seeing his wife again. Just before I left work that day I placed a booklet in his room entitled “What Happens After Death?” hoping he will read it and felt almost certain he would.
The other person, an elderly lady had been married 60+ years and talked about her life before and after the death of her beloved. Jane confided to me that she speaks to her dead husband and believed he is around her at various times. I asked her if he spoke back to her. Thankfully she replied no. She was very chatty, animated and quite excited telling me she had a friend who talks to the dead — she even had a letter supposedly from her husband via this medium. Jane suddenly became anxious searching for this letter so I could see it. I told her it’s alright I didn’t have the time but she would not let it go. She found the letter and showed me. It was all very lovingly written. I replied these are all things your husband would have said to you when alive. Jane replied that he died suddenly and did not have the chance. Needless to say this visit did not go too well. I tried to advise her that the dead are asleep and know nothing as per Ecclesiastes 9:5 to which she said nothing. Jane just stared at me blankly for several seconds and then eventually acknowledged that she knew she would see her husband again after her death, but I knew she was more interested in the here and now.
After my visit with Jane she seemed agitated, came out of her room and went down to the nurses’ station. My thoughts were — oh no she will expose me for telling her “lies” about her husband. In my experience not many now are wanting truth, most want to hear lies, convincing themselves that the smoother things are correct because this suits their will. I did offer her the same booklet as I left for the man but Jane read the cover and stated truthfully and politely “I don’t want you to waste your paper on me”. At least she was honest in this regard. Her mind was blocked to the truth.
Living In This World Full Of Lies And Deceptions
It all started with my wanting to provide comfort and reassurance that the dead will live again. So many do not have the hope we have (1 Peter 3:15). Instead of saying “You know you will see your loved one again, don’t you?” I should have waited until I was asked. Scripture tells us to be ready with an answer for the hope that lies within us (2 Timothy 4:2). I jumped the gun as it were. Misguided zeal. To be sagacious I should have brought to mind Matthew 10:16 which says “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves”. Lesson learned. Thankfully nothing more came of this incident.
Why do I mess up at certain times when I know what scripture says? I needed a timely reminder to think before I spoke. Despite good intentions things can easily go wrong, especially when our adversary, the devil, abounds in this present evil age of lies and deceptions. We know he is the father of lies (John 8:44) and the whole world is under the power or influence of the wicked one (1 John 5:19).
Delving deeper into the Bible I found an account of what Jesus would say and how to respond pertaining to spiritual matters concerning one aspect of the resurrection. We can read of this in Mark 12:18-27, where some of the Sadducees questioned Jesus about the resurrection of the dead. Jesus Christ responded to their questions and statements with truth and ended with “You are therefore greatly mistaken”. Jesus would no sooner sit there and listen to lies and not respond with the truth, however the point being, He was asked. He did not initiate the truth but only in response did He give them the truth. Valuable point taken.
And so listening to others with their accounts of death and sadness must be handled with great care. Perhaps a more appropriate response could have been “Won’t it be great when one day we will all be reunited with our loved ones.” This journey is full of opportunities for learning and sometimes we need reminders to proceed with caution rather than rushing in to where the truth is not wanted.